This is hard to explain, hope it makes sense:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years and would like to get married, however, there are a few problems.

He is of no religion, but is christian, and I am a Catholic. I want to get married in the Catholic church and he does not want to. He doesn't believe in Catholicism, and doesn't like to attend Catholic Churches. If we were to have children, he doesn't want them raised as Catholics.

I am just very confused and now, I don't even know why I'm Catholic. I can't tell him why I'm Catholic because I don't know. I just need some help.

-Veronica

-- Veronica (vm_ibarra@hotmail.com), August 04, 2004

Answers

Bump to New Answers to invite comment.

-- (bump@bump.bump), August 04, 2004.

I'm afraid you have no choice and neither does he. If you are Catholic you must marry in the Catholic Church. There are no other options. Further, you must promise to do your best to raise your children in the Catholic faith, a promise that is meaningless if you already know your husband will make that impossible. If he will not do this for you, he is not a suitable marriage partner, and your marriage will have two strikes against it from the very start. Marriages don't succeed because of romantic feelings. They succeed because of maturity, commitment, and self-sacrifice. It sounds like both of you are very immature, have little concept of commitment, and are pretty self-centered. Why not wait a year before making the most important decision of your life? During that year you might take the RCIA classes at your church, so you can understand why you are Catholic. He could take them also, if he is really interested in why you are Catholic. And in the meantime, pray daily and ask God to reveal to you whether this is the man He wants you to spend the rest of your life with.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 04, 2004.

Just a few things. First, it is not entirely true that you MUST marry in the Catholic faith. There is a dispensation that can be applied for (and must be granted by a Catholic bishop) to be excused from the canonical form (essentially the Catholic form) of marriage. It's not easily obtained, and must be supported by good, sound reasons (not just, "my fiance won't agree to it"). Second, the obligation that one must do everything to raise one's child in the Catholic faith is, of course, qualified by what is subjectively and objectively possible. These are issues to be discussed further with a priest with whom you feel comfortable. Third, it's important not to agree to do anything with which you are not comfortableor which you cannot be happy, or at least satisfied, with. You must be true to yourself. If you do something that feels uncomfortable, or is contrary to deep-seated beliefs, it could, at the end of the day, end in feelings of resentment toward your boyfriend/husband. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will take this into account in making any blanket proclamations about Catholicism, attending church and/or having a Catholic ceremony. If you do not know why you are Catholic, you're doing the right thing: seeking assistance. I also suggest reading more about your faith, consulting with priests, family and friends. I hope this helps, and wish you the best.

-- T.A. Gonsalves (tagonsalves@juno.com), August 06, 2004.

Dispensation from canonical form can be granted only in cases of necessity, which is to say situations where the use of canonical form is not possible. It may never be granted simply as an alternative or preference when use of canonical form is possible.

Canon 1119 states ... " Apart from a case of necessity, in the celebration of marriage those rites are to be observed which are prescribed in the liturgical books approved by the Church, or which are acknowledged by lawful customs."

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 06, 2004.

In some cases, a dispensation can be obtained from the Catholic "form of marriage" and the ceremony may take place before a minister of another Church or even before a civil official. The Apostolic Letter on Mixed Marriages lists the following as reasonable causes allowing for this: "to achieve family harmony or to avoid family alienation; to obtain parental agreement to the marriage; to recognize the significant claims of relationship or special friendship with a non-Catholic minister; to permit the marriage in a church that has particular importance to the non- Catholics."

-- Bob (bmcs11@hotmail.com), August 17, 2004.

Bob, I don't know where you got this from, but the Apostolic Letter on Mixed Marriages (I assume you mean the one from Pope Paul VI - I am not aware of another) does not mention any of the so-called "reasonable causes" you list. It does not mention "civil officials" anywhere. It mentions "non-Catholic ministers" only twice.

The first mention is this statement: "The celebration of marriage before a Catholic priest or deacon and a non-Catholic minister, performing their respective rites together, is forbidden. Nor is it permitted to have another religious marriage ceremony before or after the Catholic ceremony,for the purpose of giving or renewing matrimonial consent."

The second mention of "non-Catholic ministers" is the following quote from Canon Law: "Catholics are under an excommunication latae sententiae reserved to the Ordinary: (1) who contract marriage before a non-Catholic minister contrary to canon 1063.

This Apostolic Letter does indeed set specific guidelines for dispensation from canonical form. But it certainly is not the free-for-all negation of canon law that your post implies. If you would like to read the document, it can be seen here:

http://www.catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/mixed.htm

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 17, 2004.