My fiance and i are planning to get married in October of 2005. He was raised Catholic (baptised and confirmed) but has not been a practicing catholic for at least 4-5 years. My mother was raised catholic but unfortunately she was not married in the catholic church and my father was southern baptist. They did not raise my sisters and I in any particular religion but simply brought us to various churches so that we could see all religions. Although I really respect them for giving us the option I am now 21 years old with no true religion. I have always considered myself to be catholic more than anything and it's what feels right to me. My question is my fiance said he does not want to marry in the catholic church but we instead would like to marry in a little wedding chapel in the mountains, but the more I read over all of these posts the more I am seeing how if we do not marry in the church than it may be hard to raise our children catholic as well as it being hard for my fiancee to ever return to the church. I am willing to become catholic...actually I would very much like to become catholic. What are the steps I must take to do this, and is there a possibility of finding a priest (or is it even allowed) to get married outside of the church and either outside or in a non-denominational chapel (the chapel is used for no church services of any kind, only weddings?)

-- Angie (ae62861@appstate.edu), August 16, 2004

Answers

BUMP///

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), August 16, 2004.

Will just pray for you and your fiancee to be married in the Catholic church. Then you would have a very wonderful catholic environment to bring up your children. Why is catholicity so repulsive to your fiancee, if I may ask?

-- Anthony Yong (anthony.yong@gtech.com), August 17, 2004.

You should contact your local Catholic parish by phone or in person and ask for an appointment with the parish priest or whoever deals with people wanting to become Catholic. They will discuss your understanding of the Catholic faith and tell you what preparation you need, if any, before you are received into the Church. A Catholic marriage takes place in your local Catholic church because the wedding is not just about you and your groom, it's something which concerns the whole community. There are rarely exceptions made to this for good reason but I don't think these would be applicable in your case.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), August 17, 2004.

I never said it was repulsive to my fiance, just that he did not want to be married in the church. It is really not our style to have a big church wedding and really is not what either of us want. I would be willing to do it simply so we would have the option of raising our children catholic. He has not practiced because he had a very bad experience with the particular priest who was at our church at the time. After my fiance had a massive stroke and was in intesive care for over a month the priest came to the hospital and spoke very badly about my fiance in front of him. He was not aware that while my fiance had been away at school he had been attending another catholic church and the priest continuously made remarks on how he shouldn't even be there since Jeff was not a practicing catholic. How he should fear for his own mortality because he was of sin and so on and so on. So you can see why Jeff really doesn't feel it is right to be married in the church.

-- Angie (ae62861@appstate.edu), August 17, 2004.

Angie, My sincere apology for jumping to conclusion and also my bad choice of word. You and your fiance Jeff will be in my prayers.

Priest are only human with limitations of perceptions and ideals etc. I know of a parish priest who do not want to have the parish member ordained there just because the new priest to be father is living a life of sin. Its sad and unbelieve-able but it happened. We could just pray for the parish priest that he may see the compassionate and merciful part of Jesus.

I do hope you will be married in the catholic church. Indeed as Steve said it so well, its a community experience - you, Jeff, God and the community. Despite the limitations and shortcomings, the Catholic community is still a rich and wonderful place to nurture your children and your family.

- Anthony

-- Anthony Yong (ajyong@singnet.com.sg), August 17, 2004.

Dear Angie,

I'm sorry, but no, I can't see why Jeff really doesn't feel it is right to be married in the church. The reason you mentioned is, frankly, ridiculous. If a doctor said some insensitive things to him would he stay away from medical facilities for the rest of his life and risk his physical health? Would he jump off a ship in mid-ocean because a member of the crew said something unkind? Well, abandoning the Church God founded as a channel of grace for the salvation of his soul just because another member of the Church made some insensitive comments makes just about as much sense. He really needs to take an honest look at his priorities. Which is more important, living as God has called him to live, or hanging onto his petty grudge against one priest?

As for a big church wedding not being your style, that is no problem at all. The Church doesn't require big church weddings. A Catholic wedding can be a small, simple affair with a few invited guests. Or for that matter no guests at all. The only ones who have to be there are the couple, the witnesses, and the priest. Most large Catholic Churches have a small chapel where such a wedding could take place. Speak to your priest about it if that is your preference.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 17, 2004.

It is not so much a grudge it is simply that he feels he was in a way abandoned by the church in his time of need by not only a member but the priest (the representative of that church). He still attends the same church where the priest was and we attend church relatively regularly in our new place of residence. Attending church is not the issue and he considers himself catholic. It is simply that we see no place closer to God to celebrate our new life together than the side of a mountain or in a little chapel with no electricity, no windows and no doors.

-- Angie (ae62861@appstate.edu), August 17, 2004.

I'm glad that he has not "abandoned the Church" as I stated in my previous post, and I apologize if I misinterpreted or "overinterpreted" what you previously said. However, I still maintain that one cannot equate being "abandoned by the Church in a time of need" with a few inappropriate off-the-cuff remarks by a single church member, ordained or otherwise. That simply is not reasonable or fair.

Permission to be married in "another appropriate place" can be granted by the local bishop. Some bishops are more open to this than others. In some dioceses such permission is not too difficult to obtain (as long as the place meets certain basic criteria, and is not inconsistent with the sacredness of marriage), in others virtually impossible.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 17, 2004.