Ivan the Terrible is coming! If if holds to it’s course, right now, it’ll pass directly over my house. We are on Hillebrandt Bayou, just about 10 miles inland from Sabine Pass. Our new house is raised about 6 feet above the normal bayou level, but the land is low all through here. Last September it flooded about 2 and a half feet, just with heavy rains - no storm surge. Luckily, the tide is going out now, so the surge may be minimal from Ivan.

I have already picked up everything that floats, brought in the umbrellas and cushions, and secured the boats. Later, I’ll move the motorhome and the two riding mowers up the street to higher ground, and take my truck and my wife’s car as well.

But, anyway, keep an eye on the weather channel, and if you hear anything about my bayou, watch and see if they have footage of me and Jazzy dog, treading water in the front yard!

-- Dogpaddlin' Lon (two foot deep@the.bayou), September 23, 2004

Answers

Lon, the first thing my husband said when the news about Ivan came on was "Isn't that where Lon is?". Hope all goes well and that he's gentler than his name would imply!!! Keep in touch when you can - we'll worry unless we hear you're ok.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), September 24, 2004.

Hi Trish! Well, it's the morning after, and we were missed completely! I mean, we only got about a tenth of an inch of rain, and not even enough wind to blow the trash into the neighbor's yard. I'm gonna have to water the flowers again this morning even. Some of the towns around us got lots of rain, but nowhere in the bayou watershed area, because it's not up at all this morning.

I'm not complaining, though. I think I was ready for it, but you know my yard is still pretty raw, and the flowerbeds have a lot of loose soil which would have washed out and made a mess of things. But, I would have liked a couple of inches of nice soft rain for the new shrubs and such. This whole area is really dry, especially for this time of year. There's some big clouds hanging around in the first light this morning, so maybe we'll get ours today sometime. But it looks like I missed my chance at TV fame for a while.

-- still dusty lon (lgal@exp.net), September 24, 2004.

Since I posted that last, I went out on the deck and had breakfast with the girls (Jazzy, Katie, and Allie), and boy, is it quiet. Almost like the calm BEFORE a big storm. Not a leaf moving, not a bird singing. My little herd of hummers were still around, fignting over the feeders, but otherwise, very still. Also, hot and humid; very humid, even for here. If the sun comes out later, we'll just get a good sauna bath.

I've been kinda quiet lately, myself. It seems that everyone around the forum has been busy with school, jobs, kids, farms, etc. I've just been a little tired, maybe from all the house work and such. But, I love our cyber-back fence, and I'm determined to gossip a little more often. If you don't show up, I'll just talk trash about you anyway.

Carol - it's time for you to get back from your tanning trip, and tell us all about the cookaburras, walabees, bush tucker and fags. Good on ya, mate!

Gayla - Time for some of those great photos!

Helen - put down the phone for a minute, dawlin, and tell us what the mule is doing nowadays

Rob - I feel a story comin' on

Robert - What happened? Your pilot light blow out or somethin'? You weren't washed away in Peach creek last week were ya?

Trish - time for an autumn snapshot or haicu!

Aunt Bee - I need a brownie, and a HUG!

Kritter, Hilltop folk, and all the other sometime regulars - Com'on back! Make somethin' up even, to tell us about your interesting lifes. Tell us about that new car, new romance, new job, that new wart that just showed up in the middle of your back.

J - Ain't you got no more thoughtfull stuff to post about cars or kinives or old girlfriends?

Redneck - go to your room (and stay there!)

I'm warnin' ya'll, don't make me come back there!

-- Lon (lgal@exp.net), September 24, 2004.

Hi Lon, I'm very pleased that Ivan decided not to drop in on you afterall. Perhaps you should get Jazzy some water-wings for future use. Pity about the missed TV opportunity.

Your Aussie speak is coming along nicely. We had wallabies feeding on the lawn in front of our unit each night. One had a joey in her pouch and as she bent down to eat, the baby could pop it's head out and feed at the same time. Amazing creatures aren't they?

We had a lovely week of fine warm weather, sitting under palm trees drinking cocktails, walking, swimming, reading, eating, okay are you all jealous yet? Just so's you don't think I've got it all my way, I've had a miserable cold ever since I got back.

Hi Gayla. I was glad to see you'd popped in. I hope life is treating you alright.

Hi Tricia, have you finished ripping out the decking yet? I hope it all went okay.

You girls sound so busy I feel very guilty having so much time for myself these days. I'll have to throw myself into some spring cleaning and gardening to ease my conscience.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), September 24, 2004.

....fine warm weather, sitting under palm trees drinking cocktails, walking, swimming, reading, eating,....

throw in a few hours of Hulk movies, and you've got Kit's normal day! Of course, it's easier when you've got your own minion.

-- Minion to the Grand Poobah of Everything (lgal@exp.net), September 24, 2004.

Hey Lon, glad it missed ya. I have family throughout the South (but not it LA) and some of them had real close calls with tornadoes.

Anywayz, if you feel a story comin on well just let it out! That'll give us all somethin to read and look forwards or backwards or sideways to and maybe even liven things up round here.

-- (sonofdust@tour.naydoos), September 24, 2004.

Lol Lon. I tend to think of Kit more as a cuddly Pooh Bear rather than a Grand Poobah. I hope he's keeping well. Keep those snacks & drinks coming.

Hi Rob. Did you get much fishing in this summer? We saw some interesting fish up north. I've never seen Bat fish before. They're big round flat fish that look like they've been sandwiched between the pages of a book.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), September 25, 2004.

(((Lon)))

-- helen (tired@mules.whine.a.lot), September 25, 2004.

Lon, so glad to hear you're okay!

This has been a rough month. On the September long weekend, Carla's best friend's brother died in an accident. Shortly after, a friend of mine who has been fighting breast cancer also died. We had 2 funerals that week, then the next week, my MIL went into the ICU while they tried to figure out if it was heart or not. Fortunately, it was not heart and she's doing well, now. Anyway, it has not been a smooth and easy month. And that's all without even mentioning the weather ;-)

I'm preparing for a trip to Africa with my mother and sister in early November. My mom worked with Wycliffe bible translators while she was there, and they've recently finished one of only 3 complete translations in African languages. So they're having a big celebration and Mom wanted to go - but not alone. (You'd think just 'cause she's 81 that she's fragile or something). So we're heading off if all goes as planned.

Fall came with a bang a couple of weeks ago - it snowed. Not that it stayed, or anything - just a little reminder that summer's end is at hand. Since then, the trees have turned colour and the view is fantastic around Edmonton. The river valley has every shade of green and yellow, lots of orange with touches of red, brown and grey. When it's sunny and the sky is blue, the whole world feels full of colour. When it's cloudy and grey, the trees seem to glow from within and brighten the days fabulously. I've tried for over a week to haiku it, but it just won't fit the form yet. Oh, well, maybe next week...

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), September 26, 2004.

Make something up, eh, Lon? Well. . . hmmm. Not nearly as talented as y'all. . . I'm not, anyhow, and the Chief Limericist (sounded a tad better than "Limericker", somehow) is up to his eyeballs with a work project, so you'll just have to settle for me.

Our latest 'adventure' has been a safari, of sorts. It seems there's a snake (!!) in our sunroom. A teeny, tiny snake of undetermined species that I just happened to almost step on last night when I went out to feed the dogs. There, nestled close to the galvanized steel trash barrel we keep the dog food in was a snake, maybe a couple of inches from my sandaled foot! I'm very observant and cautious about snakes when I'm outside, but never had been much concerned about finding one inside. Tarantulas, yep, we've had those, and good grief, the scorpions here the past two years have been just awful. But a s-s-s-s-nake in our house? Nope, wouldn't even entertain the notion. . . until last night.

No broom within reach, no long handled nothing. The light in the sunroom was too dim to get a real good fix on just what sort of s-s-s-s-s-s-nake it was, so I did the dumbest thing I could've done, and that was to make a beeline inside the main house and run back to get HL. "You get out here, quick. I mean NOW quick! There's a SNAKE in the sunroom!"

"How big is it?"

Yes, well. The intruder was BIG ENOUGH, even though at the most it was as big around as my index finger and 'maybe' 6 inches long. . . it's still a snake! And since I wasn't able to get a good look at it, we were concerned, because the little ones, if poisonous, can be pretty nasty, too. And we've had copperheads right outside the sunroom door. . .

So, we both don our boots, grab flashlights, found some old brooms, and off we go to hunt and capture our prey. What a surprise, the snake is NOWHERE to be found, and could be anywhere in the sunroom or even the garage. After what seemed hours, but wasn't, we decided we weren't going to find him that night, and stopped looking.

Nope, no sign of it today, either. Sigh.

Snake, begone!

And how was your day? :-)

-- Brooke (Happiness would be NO snakes@Hill.top), September 27, 2004.

Go to my room? Wood that i had one, lon. Js insistin that yore terms o endeermint sounded like a invitation to him tho i took it another way at first. Maybe since the storm missed you an all, i mite drop by to make sure you didnt miss a spot in yore paintin or deck work or somethin. J says yall got a spare room, an his missus gave me the look when i menshunned that the eggs uz a little overdone yesterday. I been tryin to watch it, nowin shes the hard case aroun here but that un got away from me fore i thot about it. T the C ask your mom if she remembers a youngster name of Rachel, a cousin of J's that uz kilt when somebody lost it at a pothole on the dar es salaam (is that spelt rite?) road one night a few years ago and rolled the rig on her. Rachel uz pretty an a fine kid. Shed worked with Wycliffe a year or 2 in southern africa i think.

J aint been gettin his alotment o sleep lately since we all been runnin back an forth to the hospital cause one o his grandkids had heart serjury. When we aint on the road weer tryin to ride herd on the other younguns an everbodys missin work on an off. Cept me o course. I worked for a house construcshun outfit for awhile but furrin labors hard to buck.

Brooke a mistery snakes scarieer than if you new what it was for sure. Snakes an such give me the heebeejeebees an im glad not to have to deal with em moren i have to. Js mother in law used to live on a rented place in west Texas where they kilt rattlers in the house for awhile after they moved in. That ud bother me some but they was a hardier breed i guess. I no what you mean by big enough. Aint it funny how you can kill a unwanted yard snake clean first try but one you nose poison you hafta take two jabs just to hit it at all. Maybe a barn cat or a lab wood do for snakin in the house. I node a couple labs that hated snakes.--Redneck

Lon, glad the storm and tornadoes off the tail end of it missed you. We've been fortunate in Texas this season.

Our grandson is doing well. He had some heart work at birth and is now old enough to need more. Operation went well. He's a couple of days off lung machine and supposed to get drainage tubes out soon. He had a rough start but has been blessed with pretty good health thus far. I've messed with teaching him to play golf. Considering my own experience, I'm not sure whether to recommend it as good fun or think of it as a bad habit! We'll see.--J

-- J&R (J&R@miscell.any), September 27, 2004.

((Tricia)) I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a sad month.

Your Mum sounds like a great lady. I accompanied my 81 yr-old Mum to Canberra last month. She wanted to attend my Aunty's 90th Birthday and the only thing that phased Mum was the thought of changing planes half way. I heard today that this same Aunty has broken her arm (at her excercise class) and the only thing worrying her is that she can't do her bra up!! Amazing ladies.

Crikey Brooke, you can cope with tarantulas and scorpians. I'm so impressed, I think they are both much scarier than snakes. I know it's illogical, must be something to do with the number of legs and scurrying. YUK.

Hi J&R. I'm glad the little fellow is doing well, but I bet the family have been crazy with worry anyway. That's what families are all about, loving, worrying and caring.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), September 28, 2004.

Thanks, Carol.

J&R, sounds like your month has been pretty challenging, too. Glad to hear that your grandson is doing well and that his operation went well. Hope he's bouncing around again soon!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.ent), September 29, 2004.

Thanks to the friends for prayers and good wishes. The little guy came out ok. No transfusions needed. One valve a little small but working well. I baby-sat my yr-and-a-half (for you mothers out there, that'd be eighteen months) granddaughter a few days during the grandson's stay in the hosp. My hundreds-of-months old self isn't in shape for that kind of action anymore. I'm worn out.

Ol' Lon and I had a discussion about something but had to cut it short a few days ago. He suggested maybe it would be good fruitcake fodder, but I'm about brain dead and have forgotten the subject matter. Maybe he'll remember when he gets back from a road trip with the Kitster.

Brooke--of possible interest: a big Tinseltown multiplex in our neck of the woods has been shut down for awhile until they locate an eight- foot snake a cleaning lady saw slithering along the first row in one of the theaters last week. Experts were called in but haven't located its lair. Among other things, they put baby seats along the walls to detect its movements. (Hey, don't ask me, I'm just relaying info!) They think it's a Burmese Python from the reported coloration, although "Anaconda" had been showing on that screen! As Dave Barry would say, "I'm not making this up!"

Ta-ta.--J

-- J (jsnider@hal-pc.org), October 02, 2004.

I've been thinking for days about the possible snake movement detection and baby seats. Although several wild thoughts have occured, nothing that makes even remote sense comes to mind. I'm going to have to refer this to our outside the box expert - Sir Cook!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), October 04, 2004.

Sir Cook? Haven't heard from him in so long, I figured he moved to Tahiti. Maybe we lost him because he didn't know the new password (Hey, maybe he did know it and THAT's why we don't hear from him!). If he was frozen out for long, he may have given up on us by now and not know we're open again. (We are open again, aren't we? I can't be sure since I haven't seen any messages from prospective catapult builders.) See if you can tickle him out of his hole in the red hills. We miss his terrible puns. Kind of.

As to the snake thing, my wife, the smart one (I mean she's the smart one of the two of us, not that I have more than one wife) thinks maybe they just used what they had, and maybe the article was talking about what I'd call "booster chairs." The reason they put 'em along the walls is because snakes are insecure and prefer to crawl along walls. Either that or they (the snakes, not the people looking for them, although I have my doubts about those folks that show up at the Sweetwater rattlesnake roundup every year) have brains no bigger than reptile brains and just run into the walls and keep going, which also results in their crawling along the walls. If things put along the walls are moved around, you've got a snake. Or something else. If they're put up the next day after you put them out, you've got an exceptionally smart snake who's messing with your mind or you forgot to tell the morning shift what was going on, which they actually shouls do so that there will still BE a morning shift. Of course, I've never seen booster chairs in theaters, but then I might not have noticed, never having considered taking infants to the movies the way some folks do. (Some take small children to see scary or improper films, but that's another subject.) Paper cups or the like would seem to be better "tells" to me, but what do I know.

Hey, frlians, how would you lure a snake out? Foldout photo of snake shedding skin?(Every issue of "Playsnake" would be two inches thick!) Live rabbit in a jar tied to row of seats? Turn down the movie's thermostat, give Redneck your sleeping bag and tell him he's got to vacate your couch for a couple of days but that your buddy at the theater said he could crash there for awhile? Ask for referral to a good snake charmer the next time you get somebody on the line asking you to switch phone service providers? Suggestions, anyone?

-- J (dustingoff@blockbuster.card), October 04, 2004.

Tricia, I'm sure hoping things are looking brighter than they were for you last month. Seems like when "stuff" happens, it generally happens all at once.

Your trip with your mother and sister sounds great! I've never been anywhere exotic like that, and always enjoy hearing about trips other folks take, so we'll expect to hear all about it when you return. :-) Such an experience to be able to spend time in another place in the world.

I'm hoping your trip will inspire some new haiku, too.

J, it's good to hear your grandson is doing well. And being as how I'm a grandparent myself, I fully understand how tuckered you must be. It's a good thing that you did what you did, though, and you know it; it had to have been appreciated.

You're right about snakes liking to crawl up on the walls, and the walls of the sunroom are exposed rock walls. One of the very first things I was told when I came down here was that "snakes have a propensity to climb in amongst the rock outcroppings on the house", and thereafter, I've been very cognizant of that fact. One time I was outside fiddling with the screen on the window to the laundry room and happened to glance up to my left, and not 6 inches from my hand was a good sized snake that had zig-zagged up the side of the house! Good grief, how I managed NOT to wet myself I'll never know. Whew, just thinking about it gave me the shivers.

Hmmm... what with all of these snake tales, if I didn't know better, I'd think you wuz tryin' to skeer me. You wouldn't do that, now wouldja? ;-)

Carol, I had to laugh when I saw you 'say', "crikey"! Hubby lived and worked in Oz for several years, and picked up any number of sayings there that he has kept on using. Crikey! is one of them. Some of the others, well. . . ahem. . . I really have my reputation among you fine folks to consider. (Stop laughing, y'all!) I'll just leave a link to an "Aussie Slang Dictionary" and leave it at that. [g] http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

And I agree with ya' about the number of legs and scurrying. . . you truly haven't lived until you're standing at the stove cooking up a late night mess of scrambled eggs and feel 'something' rapidly crawl across your foot, that thing being a scorp! Wearing some kind of footwear is always a must here if you don't want an ugly surprise. Couple of years ago they were bad, this year, not so bad, although one did fall out of a flourescent light fixture and landed on hubby's arm. It was a religious moment for him; he spoke "in tongues". LOL

It's rather satisfying (in a strange sort of way) to see one, whip off a sandal, and send one of those creepies to hell.

Now, about those snakes. . . of course, there's been no more snake sightings, which I suppose is both good and bad news. I have, however, begun a shut-down of the probable reason for there being any snakes in the sunroom. I have become the Great Mouse Hunter. Yes, mice.

I loathe mice; not afraid of them, just think they're nasty. The day after the snake incident I discovered several 'calling cards' from the nasty little buggers, and sprang into action. We've always had mousetraps in the garage and sunroom, and have occasionally found one, but haven't ever had a big problem with them. I checked the traps we already had out and rebaited them with peanut butter, then set out a dozen more, plus a couple of glue mats, hoping that if that snake was still in the sunroom it might try to slither across and get stuck; at least the glue mat would impede it getting into the house (if it isn't already, ACK!).

My efforts were immediately rewarded, and to date, have caught 7 of the nasty little critters! The snake, however, remains 'at large'. I hope it is 'at large', outside.

Not real sure why, all of a sudden, there seems to be a mouse invasion, unless it's a harbinger of a cold winter down here on the way. We're not doing or storing anything differently than we always have, so I just dunno. I've had many offers of a cat to take care of the problem, but with as many hounds as we have I don't think that's a viable option.

-- Brooke (Happiness@Hill.top), October 06, 2004.

Dogs are pack animals.

If a wise human (and both you and the jarhead qualify) can convince the hounds that a cat is indeed a member of the pack, most likely they will accept a cat. Works best with kittens. Your mileage may vary.

-- Unkinator (Uncle_Deedah@yahoo.com), October 07, 2004.

J., the only suggestion I can come up with for the snake in the theatre, is a saucer of water laced with something to make him drunk or sleepy. Tee hee he'll be able to tell his mates he got legless last night.

Hi Brooke. I hope your hubby enjoyed his time in Oz. I'm sure any sayings he picked up are both colourful and descriptive. If he's into car racing you might mention it's Bathurst this weekend. Eight hours of V8's roaring around the mountain.

I agree about the mice. I'm not afraid of them, just can't stand them. It must be the scurrying thing again. I saw my Jack Russell catch one once. Cleanest kill ever. Whether he broke it's neck or it died of fright I don't know, but there wasn't a mark on it.

It must be a bad year for snakes. We are in Spring now when they are just starting to move around. In the last two weeks the local vet has had 24 dogs and cats with snake bite which is as many as he usually sees in a couple of years.

LOL Unk. Could get through a heck of a lot of cats that way. Might be better to teach the dogs to do the deed.

-- Carol (c@oz.com), October 08, 2004.