I am a catholic and in love with this single mother, she's a catholic too. The problem is my parents disagree of our plans on getting married. According to them I can not marry unless if her husband is dead. She was married for a year untill her husband left her for another girl after few months their son was borned. For several years she was left alone with her son and the next thing she knows after 6 years her husband secretly converted to Islam. Now after 9 years of struggling to file a divorce, she's staying with me and we are happily in love. I have confirmed it with the Islamic body in my country and yes, her husband really have converted to islam. So, he has converted to islam and she's fighting for her divorce papers...how do i deal with this? No way she wants to leave christianity for she loves and believes in jesus and we have agreed to be married. How do i let my parents accept her? I need all the answer you have not only to these questions but also to any other related matters please...before i loose my mind. My life waas a mess before i met her. Never had an understanding relationship, most of the times girls lft me after they had enough sex of lust with me within 1 month period. But this woman, i feel the connection and love...sex, yes only after 3 months relationship, quite seldom but full of love. Her son is 9 years old now. PLEASE HELP!!!!

-- Christopher J. (biggee_b@yahoo.com), October 29, 2004

Answers

Response to Can a catholic man be married to a catholic single mother?

Based on what you have posted, the woman is not available for marriage in the Catholic Church. She needs to consider this and her status as married, or in the alternative she needs to consult her local ordinary about the possibility of seeking and obtaining an annulment. And I personally would only seek an annulment if it were legitimately available. (Many/most granted in the USA are not, and granted contrary to divine law). In any event, her present relationship with you is a scandal. But there is another problem here. This one is on your side of the equation. Personally, I would reccomend your returning to square one. Withdraw from this relationship. Seek personal and spiritual growth. You need to be happy in your own skin with the person you were born with before you can truly make yourself a donative gift to another. How does one grow? Thats a big question. Find a spiritual advisor. Find a wise and older man who has lived a good life. Your father may or may not be the right person. Just do it. It would be the best thing for you at this stage (and not a relationship with any woman). Thats my two bits. Not very pastoral. But thats not what you need young fellow.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), October 29, 2004.

Response to Can a catholic man be married to a catholic single mother?

And I personally would only seek an annulment if it were legitimately available.

WHat does that mean Pat, that the laity should decide whats legitimate? Here I was thinking that was what the annulment process was for, please explain.

Chris youre a lucky man Pats advice is good but only you can answer this question and only you can know what is right for you, as they say "theologians dont know nothing about MY soul", but dont rush anything. If you really love this woman you need to get things sorted, speak to your local priest about an annulment for your girlfriend.

Good Luck

-- Kiwi (csisherwood@hotmail.com), October 29, 2004.

Response to Can a catholic man be married to a catholic single mother?

You need to be happy in your own skin with the person you were born with before you can truly make yourself a donative gift to another

i must agree wholeheartedly with this statement. So often society pushes people to "look for the one who completes them" when this is truly a sad concept.

How much more stable would all marraiges be if people would find completeness in themselves as a person, instead of getting married to "solve" their issues? isnt it better to give yourself away as a whole person to the one you love, as opposed to only giving part of a man to her? i suggest as well that you take some time to find happiness in yourself instead of trying to find a crutch to lean on. its much better when you stand together as opposed to leaning on each other.

-- paul h (dontSendMeMail@notAnAddress.com), October 29, 2004.

On the laity deciding... Yes, in cases of doubt ...where the diocesan tribunal appears to be granting an illegitimate decree of nullity, it is incumbent on any party (or possibly other persons having a less direct interest in the case) to scrutinize the decree independently. If patently illegitimate, the nullity decree must be rejected and appealed to a higher church authority to have it overturned and bring the abuse to the attention of the church hierarchy.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), October 30, 2004.

under Canon law, the marriage between this man and woman may be granted an annulment. not only did her husband leave her after a year, but he rejected the church. who knows what this guy had up his sleeve when they were wed.

freddy

-- freddy (freddy@yoyo.net), October 31, 2004.

Freddy, The operative word in your post is "may", and missing but implicit is "may not". A diocesan tribunal, at least in theory, should review all the evidence from both sides before making any such a decision.

Moral failure by one or both parties does not, in itself, invalidate a sacramental marriage. Nor does it necessarily lead to a finding of invalidity, although the facts in such cases here are regularly misconstrued to reach an erroneous finding that way.

This is one of the biggest misconceptions in America, and one of the most common errors by diocesan tribunals here. In fact it is so common, the Holy Father made it the central point in his most recent annual address to the Rota.

-- Pat Delaney (pat@patdelaney.net), November 02, 2004.