As my original post here has degenerated into an argument about the general decline of morality or the unnecessary restrictiveness of the Church, neither of which particularly intersts me at the moment, I'm trying again here.

I understand that every couple married within the Church is expected to be open to the possibility of having and raising children if that is God's will for their lives. I also know that the Church's position on artifical contraception is quite controversial politically, and I'm NOT trying to start that argument. I'm trying to figure out what God wants for me, what guidance the Church offers, and what my priest expects of me when he tells me the bit about being "open" to possibilities.

I think there are reasons for marriage aside from procreation, and I suspect that the Church recognizes them, although I've never actually been told so. I presume, for instance, that an infertile couple can receive the sacrament notwithstanding the impossibility of a child being born into their union.

I've also heard, repeatedly, that a marriage to my protestant girlfriend would require that I promise the marriage creates no danger to my faith, that I would have children born into the marriage baptized in the faith, and endeavor to raise those children in the faith. Such promises would be easy for me to make, as they conform with my personal desires anyway...unless the fact that I want to delay having children presents its own internal conflict.

Perhaps this isn't a good forum to address my questions. If so, could anyone direct me to other resources? I'm already engaging in occassional discussions with my parish priest, and I'm not abandoning that, but I am looking for outside guidance to figure out how what he tells me should apply to my life as I am living it.

Believe me, if this were easy...resolvable by the sorts of flip answers that some people have offered, none of you would have ever heard from me in the first place. I have other questions, too, particularly related to interfaith marriage, but I'm trying to resolve one problem at a time...

-- conflicted (unspam23@hotmail.com), November 10, 2004

Answers

Your understanding of the matter, as expressed in your 2nd and 4th paragraphs, is completely correct. "Delaying" children for just cause is not in opposition to the general principle of "openness to children", provided the "delay" is not brought about by immoral means. Infertility likewise is not in opposition to such openness. As for "reasons for marriage aside from procreation" (or more correctly, "in addition to" procreation), yes, absolutely. In fact, a couple who entered marriage for the SOLE purpose of being able to produce children would do so invalidly. The Church teaches that marriage has two essential purposes, which BOTH must be present for a valid marriage, and which cannot be separated. These are generally described as the unitive and procreative purposes of marriage.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), November 10, 2004.

conflicted,

you already seem to know the moral answers to the questions you pose. i believe the question you truly seek is whether or not you want to have children at this point. and that, ultimately, depends SOLELY on you. however, i will say that i know a few fellow cadets who are married and have children, and you should see these guys' eyes light up when they speak about their sons and daughters. being a father, conflicted, is a beautiful thing... but one that carries great responsibility. you have a solemn duty to raise your child according to the good and to ensure that they understand the consequences of both right and wrong action. and thats where the decision ultimately lies. 1) do you WANT to be a parent? 2) are you mentally ready to be a parent?

consequently, many people dont ask themselves this second question or dont follow through on its implications, and as a result a wave of immorality has swept our youth. you're right, this is a hard question, but it is so because you WANT to do the right thing, and don't seem ready to shirk the duty of a parent and simply try to gleen the good from it. Conflicted, you'll do just fine whatever you choose, because you've taken the time to deliberate and seek the right thing.

-- paul h (dontSendMeMail@notAnAddress.com), November 10, 2004.