Years back, some friends, a married couple, went through some really tough times. They were dealing with a daughter, let's call her "Amanda," who was sexually active at the age of 19. She had just begun going to college and was making too many friends too quickly. She was still living with her parents while going to college but was given a certain sense of freedom (no cerfew, allowed to go out on school nights, etc).

They caught her with her boyfriend in her room one night and grounded her for a month. She took the punishment but believed since she was over 18, she didn't have to listen to them when it came to her sex life. They did everything but kick her out (they thought that would do more harm than good). They took away her car, everything in her room but her bed and desk, but she continued follow punishments but openly admited she was on the pill and sexually active when she was away during the day.

They were troubled because they felt kicking her out would be too drastic. But they could not reason with her. She walked out of dozens of interventions, refused to show up to family therapy sessions, followed every punishment and imposed cerfew while earning decent grades and coming home from her college classes admitting she would visit her boyfriend during the day. They felt like they couldn't make her quit school, and they couldn't drive her to her classes or make her take the bus, it was a double edged sword. They prayed to God that she would wise up on her own.

Eventually she got pregnant. When she came to them for help, they recieved her with open arms and encouraged her to keep the baby. She agreed, gave birth, and asked to stay in the house with the baby. Her mother even quit her job so that her daughter could go to school while the mother stayed home taking care of the baby. They truly were dedicated parents.

One day in 1999, "Amanda" went to school and never came back. She had gone to live with her boyfriend in Canada and left their child behind. After months of telephone conversations and a surprise visit by her father, Amanda's parents, sadly, decided to give the child up for adoption because they could not afford taking care of him anymore. In 2001, Amanda sued her parents through state courts and won!!! Not only did they have to pay her and her boyfriend over $300,000, they had to serve 6 months probation for giving up the child without consent.

I'm sorry for the long story, but this is my actual question. Just this passed March, "Amanda" went back to her mother and father after her boyfriend threw her out of their apartment. Her parents, surprisingly, took her in untill she could get back on her feet. Over the passed few months, Amanda has been going to Mass with her parents. She went to confession and has been going to mass regularly. Recently I found out that the associate pastor of that parish has been refusing her communion.

He believes she has not yet proven that she is contrite for what she has done. Every time the pastor celebrates mass, she gets communion, but whenever it is the associate, she is refused communion in front of the whole congregation. What do you guys think of this?

-- JD (dern@noemail.com), November 14, 2004

Answers

I don't think much of it because it's none of my business..It's an issue only between the Pastor, his Associate Pastor and the young woman.

-- Lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), November 14, 2004.

If she has been to Confession and received absolution, there is no reason to withhold the Sacraments, and no-one has a right to do so. However, there could be more to the story. Possibly she went to confession to this priest, and based on what she told him, he withheld absolution. In that case she would not be eligible to receive the Sacraments. However, that could happen only if she revealed in Confession an obvious lack of true repentence. However, one would naturally ask - if she didn't have true repentence, why would she go to Confession at all? And given her apparent efforts to pull her live together and to renew her faith life, it seems unlikely that she wouldn't make a good confession. And therefore it seems unlikely that this priest is justified in withholding the Eucharist. But there could be factors that are not apparent.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), November 14, 2004.