We were married in a civil ceremony due to not living in the same city previous to wedding (lived back and forth and never belonged to one Church). We assumed that we couldn't get married in the church because we wouldn't be able to do the marriage preparation classed together (I know bad assumption and we really should have talked to a priest about it). We were both brought up Catholic but have not been registered members of a church until now. We have 2 kids and feel very strongly that we would like to bring them up Catholic and are worried that we won't be able to. We now have an appointment with the priest but I'm wondering what to expect...I am worried that our children will suffer because of our mistakes.

Thanks in advance for your help!

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 18, 2005

Answers

Hopefully your appointment with your priest is about validating your marriage, not just about having your children baptized? Once you begin to take the necessary steps in that direction, that show of good faith will probably suffice to have your children baptized without delay.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), January 18, 2005.

Paul, Yes, my husband and I have been talking about this alot lately and this is what we would like to do. Obviously we have never been in this situation before and aren't sure what will be done or what will be done. I think right now we feel that we need to do what is right for our children and then for us. Do you know what we can expect from our meeting with the priest? Thanks again for your help. Kerri

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 18, 2005.

Sorry forgot that yes the meeting is to discuss our marriage not just the baptism of our children. Kerri

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 18, 2005.

“We were both brought up Catholic but have not been registered members of a church until now.” Are you saying you have never been baptized? That is the only “registered membership” which the Catholic Church requires. You don’t need to “register” as belonging to a particular parish church.

I’m absolutely certain that the priest will not be interested in “punishing” you or your children for omitting the Sacraments of Matrimony and Baptism up til now. Instead he will congratulate you on choosing to now do the right thing, and will arrange for you to be properly instructed and prepared to receive them as soon as practicable. Of course by choosing to have your children baptized you are making a commitment to bring them up in the Catholic faith, so no doubt the priest will expect to see you coming to Mass and the Sacraments from now on.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), January 18, 2005.

Sorry, no we were both baptized...as for registered membership, I brought this up because in our baptismal package there was a form to become registered members of our parish church.

Thanks for your help with my questions.

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 18, 2005.

Every parish I've been in pretty much requires you to be registered in order to be married, or get your children baptised. And, you have to wait 6 months for both of those sacraments, by the way, at least at parishes I've been in. Has this changed?

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 19, 2005.

Why wait 6 months for a baptism? I was baptised 9 days after I was born: my own children were baptised within 2 months. I am only 33 so this wasn't years ago.

-- Hugh (hugh@inspired.com), January 19, 2005.

I was wondering if we would have to wait 6 months too. I think what GT is talking about is when you are new at a church, as we are. Your parents probably belonged to the church you were baptized in and you probably belonged to the church your children were baptized in.

Does anyone know if this is always the case, I'm trying to get all the information I can before my meeting with the priest...so I know a little of what to expect.

Once again Thanks for your time.

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 19, 2005.

“a form to become registered members of our parish church”. I think you’ll find this is basically just a way for the parish office to record your name and address, so they have a record of who the Catholics are in the local area. It’s not a Church requirement for reception of the sacraments. Of course the parish has to record the names of people who have been baptised and married there.

Church law does not require a waiting time before baptism is administered. Your children can be baptized on the same day you ask, if the priest is satisfied that you already understand and are adequately prepared for it.

There used to be a requirement for forthcoming marriages to be announced to the congregation for a few weeks beforehand (to allow anyone to object on the grounds that someone is already married etc). I don’t think this still applies. Most government authorities require a waiting period before marriage, but I’m sure it’s not as long as 6 months. My wife and I were married six weeks after we first spoke to a priest about getting married. I don’t think it makes any difference whether you are a new parishioner or not.

God bless you and your family Kerri, I'm sure you'll find a warm welcome.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), January 19, 2005.

Forgot you don't need to worry about the government's waiting period as the government views you as already married.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), January 20, 2005.

Thanks Steve...you have been very helpful. It's very much appreciated!!

-- Kerri (kerri@cogeco.ca), January 20, 2005.

We have a new pastor now--marriage is still a 6 month wait (no banns published though), but there is as of now no official waiting period for baptism (used to be 3 months). On the other hand, I don't know if this means you can now have a private baptism service like you used to. Most parishes now either do them during Mass (which can make for a long Mass and a very crowded parking lot with all the relatives), or have a baptism service where you have like 20+ baptisms and a deacon presiding.

Part of the reason for the 6 month wait has to do with scheduling, I'm sure, and it is more of an issue during the summer than in the winter. Also, you cannot just say "I want to be married in this particular church" without being registered there. I don't know why they are so picky about this--they don't ask where your money comes from and refuse it if it is from out of town....

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 20, 2005.

GT, I’m pretty sure you’ll find that the “waiting period” is not a fixed time per se, but just a way of saying that people should do the appropriate course of instruction before receiving a sacrament, so they understand what they’re doing.

“registration as a member of the parish” is not required. The whole world is divided geographically into Catholic parishes. Marriages are normally celebrated in the parish where the bride and/or groom live (whether or not the parish office was previously aware that he/she/they were living there.). The only “registration” you need is evidence that you were baptized.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), January 21, 2005.

Steve, I agree with what you're saying, but in practice, it isn't the case, especially if the church building in question is very popular (for example, any of the mission churches in California). If you aren't a registered member (which means at least 6 months), they will not let you.

My friend ran into this problem trying to get married at the parish next to his (in the same city)--they wouldn't even let them rent the hall.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 21, 2005.

I see. I suppose we should be grateful that so many people at least want to be married in Church. But I don't think that most Catholic parishes have a "booking" problem.

-- Steve (55555@aol.com), January 23, 2005.