Hi-

Hopefully someone out there can help clarify things for me...I am Catholic, my boyfriend is not, and catagorizes himself as agnostic. He has never been baptized in any faith/religion. I would like to know what would we need to do to be married in the Catholic church. He has no plans on converting. He will although agree to have our children baptized in a Catholic church. Is there a way to be married outside of the church but still have the church recognize it? I am trying to assure that when we decide to marry that we are both comfortable with what we are doing.

Thank you,

Amy

-- Amy D. Murphy (adm21572@yahoo.com), February 24, 2005

Answers

Response to Catholic marrying an Adnostic,,,,

It is customary to "bump" new posts to put them on the new answers page which many have bookmarked.

-- bump (bumppmub@bumpmail.com), February 24, 2005.

Your husband does not need to be Catholic for both of you to be married in the Catholic Church but there are things that are required of you. In actuality, the Church does NOT want a spouse to convert for the sole reason of marriage. First that you both attend Pre-Cana wedding classes. The Church does not believe in divorce and re-marriage and one big reason people get divorced is because they aren't properly prepared for marriage. Second, he'll be asked a few questions and one of which will be if he'll allow you to raise the children Catholic. You mentioned that he will agree for the children to be baptized, but that is just one step...parent's (in your case, you) are the primary Catechists of the Faith to their children, you bear the responcibility of teaching your children Catholicism. There will probably be other questions, but I haven't gone through the classes so I'm not sure what they are. I do know that Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholic christians, but I do not know if we are allowed to marry proffessed agnostics, my guess is yes, but I don't want to mislead you in this aspect.

-- M. Garcia (MParedon1@yahoo.com), February 24, 2005.

Dear Amy, This is not the answer for your question but just a sisterly advise. Please pray that nothing will shake your faith and just keep on asking God to bring him to your faith in HIS TIME, in HIS WAY and in according ti HIS WILL. Just show what a wonderful gift our Faith is by example and by never nagging him or forcing him. Do your best and leave the rest secure in God,s mighty hand. God will answer and clear your path as life goes on for both of you. God Bless, Ramanie.

-- Ramanie Weerasinghe (lilanw@yahoo.com), February 25, 2005.

Dear Amy, God bless you for asking such a tough question. The long and short to your question: "Is there a way to be married outside of the church but still have the church recognize it?" is NO. As a Catholic, one of your Sacrements is Marriage, and for it to be a sacramental marriage means you have to be married by a priest. The priest may or may not marry you, that you will have to discuss with him.

WARNING: By your question, I see you are starting to compromise your beliefs for this guy...where will it stop? How long will it be until you completely leave the Church?

My question comes from expierence. I was like you husband and my wife was Catholic. We were married in the Church but it was not long until she fell away, slowly at first, but eventually she stopped going all together. This faith diffence caused more problems with us than anyone could have ever warned us about.

"BUT WE LOVE EACH OTHER, WE WILL WORK IT OUT" is one of the greatest lies you can tell each other.

Without Christ as the center of your marriage, it is going to fail and I'm sure you don't want to be a statistic.

-- Davis (davishgray@aol.com), February 28, 2005.

When I count my many blessings, one is always the greatest blessing of all:

Knowing each day of our lives together; that my wife is in the state of grace. I plan somehow to remain in the state of grace, too.

Knowing your spouse loves God; and will never give up her love of God and her Catholic faith-- is a husband's KEY to all the happiness. Every day you wake up thanking God for HER.

It ought to be the same for all faithful Catholics, I think. How could they think highly of anyone that never gives their heart to Jesus in Holy Communion? To give him/her children, and not care about being in the state of grace with God?

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), February 28, 2005.

In response to Eugene Chavez--your response implies that you know the mind of God and you have it all figured out. Everyone's situation is different. How can you presume to know who God smiles at. I am in a situation where I too am dating an agostic, an absolutely wonderful man. I don't know what the future is. But so far I have been shown nothing that would indicate this man is anything less than wonderful. Your answer is enough to send me into orbit--no offense brother. I know you are well meaning. But if you take your answer to its logical conclusion--you are presuming to know the mind of God---aren't you?

-- Sylvia Post (eulalie_lp@yahoo.com), March 15, 2005.

If that's what you think, you must believe in God? I love it; she believes in God. Yet to her, someone who has no belief in God ''is absolutely wonderful!'' Would you like to see this wonderful guy in Hell? Of course not.

Well; marry him. Make him a believer and then you'll both KNOW what the future is. Without ''knowing the mind of God.'' Otherwise, we'll figure agnosticism is ''not knowing it and not caring about it.'' Which is a ticket to damnation. (I don't make these things up, Sylvia Post.) God bless you and fortify your faith. Amen!

-- eugene c. chavez (loschavez@pacbell.net), March 15, 2005.